10.09.2007

Set Them Free

"If you need somebody, call my name.
If you want someone, you can do the same.
If you want to keep something precious,
You got to lock it up and throw away the key.
If you want to hold onto your possession,
Don't even think about me!

If you love somebody, set them free. . ." - Sting


Your child. YOUR child. Before they were anyone else's anything, they were YOUR child. . .or, at least, that is what you allowed yourself to think.

When a toddler puts their hand on yours and says, "No, Mommy, I can do it MYSELF!" there is a little tug at your heart. And thus begins a tug of war for ownership of the child - you vs. them.

After eighteen or so years, the battle culminates in moment we dread, but can see coming. "Mom, I don't NEED you. I can do it MYSELF!"

The rope is burning your hands and you know you need to let go - but as soon as you do, they're going to land smack on their dumb ass.

And there's nothing you can do to stop it.

All you can do is hope that their bruises heal, but not too much so they serve as a reminder of what happens when you lead with the seat of your pants.

Remember, Moms, you can't lose what was never really yours to begin with. If you love them, you have to let them go. Have faith in yourself as a parent that you have offered them the tools they need to survive. . . it's up to them now to learn to use them.

(This second-hand advice courtesy of MY MOM. And it probably came third-hand from HER MOM! Kids are the gift that keeps on giving!!!)

2 comments:

Kathy said...

This is great Lara. I think you hit the nail on the head. My son is the baby and he's 13. I'm holding on tighter to him than ever, but he's just SLIPPIN away.

Lara said...

The tighter we hold, the harder they pull. . .tis the nature of the beast, I am afraid.

By the same token, I am no longer tethered to my mother. . .and she has managed to find a couple of things to fill her spare time in the last twenty years!

We just have to learn to adjust our focus. . .but I haven't figured out to what yet. Maybe I should have another kid. . .(ha ha! shoot me now!!!!)