"I can't tell you why. . ." - The Eagles
Kids start out and go on asking, "Why?"
"Why do I have to go to bed?"
"Why can't I drive your car?"
"Why couldn't I have been an only child???"
Sometimes, the answers are easy. "Just look at your Dad, he's irresistable!" (That's good for an "EEEEEEW!")
And if they are not, simply use the default. "Because I said so!"
Is it any wonder that we need to find someone to blame as we become adults?? "Look what they did to me!"
Now, certainly, there are people who had terrible things happen to them as children. For many, that strengthens their resolve to persevere. And yet, I notice that some people have such a need to dwell on the past that it controls them, it defines them, even.
I can remember a time when it was easy for me to blame my parents for everything. . .I had to wear a snowsuit to Jr. High, they got a divorce, they spanked me, they put coca-cola in my baby bottle. . .and that was why I couldn't pass trig, why I didn't have the same Nike's that Valerie Ford had, why I'd never be Miss America. . .
But an amazing and beautiful thing started to happen as my own children grew and began to ask me "why?" I realized that I am doing the best I can as a person and it ain't none of their damn business why!!!!
When you get a job and a mortgage and a couple of kids, you come asking again and I'll TELL you why, THAT's WHY!
Sorry, got a little carried away there. . .
Each of us must make our own choices. It is easy to get so caught up in finding out "why?" that you spend precious time wrapped up in playing the blame game. There's a reason we hear that forgiveness is Divine. . .could it be that the secret is as simple as "don't worry, be happy!"?
No more than I could blame my Mom for wanting to keep me warm or my dad for sharing a coke and a smile, do I want my kids to blame me for my parental faux pas.
One of my favorite movies is "Parenthood."
"Student 1 at College: Someone's gone to the roof of the bell tower with a rifle!
Dean at College: It's Kevin Buckman! His father totally screwed him up!
Student 2 at College: What's he yelling?
Kevin Buckman Age 21: YOU MADE ME PLAY SECOND BASE!
Gil: [Yelling through a megaphone] Son, I'm sorry. I did all the best I could.
[Kevin shoots the megaphone from his hands]
Gil: Nice shot son! It's important to be supportive. Come on lets sing one of the old tunes. 'When you're sliding into home and your pants are full of foam, Diarrhea -' " (courtesy IMDB)
Don't worry. Be happy!
11 months ago