"Nobody's gonna buy the cow if the milk is free. . ." - Parental sex-talk of eighties (and fifties. . .and thirties. . .)
"You never close your eyes
Anymore when I kiss your lips. . ." - The Righteous Brothers
"Do you realize that we're the age now that our parents were when they became grandparents?"
My husband always likes to come up with those deep thoughts before I'm all the way through my first cup. I've come up with a good response now that I am well into my second, but he is already gone. And it is profane. So, I'll just let it go.
(And, uh, Mom, Dad - we're paying for it daily :) )
I have gone to great lengths to discuss the consequences of sex with my older kids - and I field questions from my five year old as they come. Heck, HAVING the fourth child ought to have cured any inkling the big ones ever had of wanting children!
As she has often provided us with the benefit of a tanrtum during her waning toddlerhood, I can offer to my teens over the screeching, "Let this be the picture in your mind when you get that Lovin' Feelin'!"
They'll never close their eyes again!!!
I have never had "the talk" with any of them, per se, but it has been an on-going and evolving dialog since the inevitable "where do babies come from?" And THAT question comes at different times with different kids. The idea of sitting down at some point when they are twelve with charts and graphs is not only antiquated, it is not practical in modern society. By then, they'll be able to tell YOU a few things.
Foremost, kids get messages about healthy relationships from their parents. We don't push it to the point where they're calling for us to get a room (although a lingering smooch will certainly ellicit an occasional "oh, gross!"), but we do send clear messages about love, respect - and privacy. ("Knock already, will you??" We're working on that one.)
Frankly, I don't think it's ever too early to start talking with your kids about what is "private" and what constitues "proper" and "improper" touching. Or how people will sometimes try and talk you into doing things or keeping secrets. Did I mention that it is NEVER TOO EARLY to begin having these discussions with your kids??
Eventually, you can work into the "scientific" aspect, the morality and what your church teaches, and your personal beliefs about sex in bits and pieces. We disccuss things like self-respect and normal feelings, too. But, of course, those normal feelings have CONSEQUENCES!
Here are a few good lines I have come up with, feel free to use them if you're having trouble getting started:
Sex is something you should share with someone you trust completely - and nothing says "trust" like a wedding ring!!
If you have sex, expect to have a baby. Then if you don't, it will be a lovely surprise.
Those girls in the magazines are someone's sister - would you want people looking at your nekkid sister??
And, of course, the piece de resistance - Look at me, I was a teen mom, and see how well I turned out. . .
If that doesn't help them lose that lovin' feelin', nothing will!
9 months ago