Really? Really!

"Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real." - Thomas Merton

Okay, here's a little dose of "real" for today. . .

When Black Jack turned 21, I secretly gave myself a little pat on the back. There's ONE who made it all the way to adulthood. . .without getting pregnant!

He's a boy, but you know what I mean. I was pretty darn proud of myself for accomplishing this feat. I wore it like a little secret badge of honor - ha!

You also know what they say about pride going before a fall.

I was sitting at the dinner table one night when the phone rang. It was Black Jack calling. "Hey Mom. Guess what! I'm going to have a baby!"

"I'm eating dinner right now, Son. . .I'll have to call you back." I'm always known for my wisdom and grace under pressure. . .I thought I was going to fall out of my chair.

In the days that followed, all I could think about was where I had gone wrong. I'd worked so hard to "set him up" for life, trying to keep him between the navigational beacons when he began drifting out of the channel, jerking a knot or two in his little neck when called for.

I'd even gone and had that fourth kid - I figured that had cured ALL of them from ever wanting to have one of their own.

His teen years had left me punch-drunk, to say the least. Somehow (intensive praying) he'd graduated from High School with honors, moved out on his own, survived a brief "party phase," secured a scholarship, and had arrived at "almost finished with college." And now he's going to be a DAD!?

I turned to my friends for support. "I am NOT a Maw-maw!" I cried indignantly. They suggested a variety of "hip" Grandmother names that just did not fit.

I called my Dad. He laughed at me.

Soon, I began to feel like my impending generational elevation was the proverbial "elephant in the room." I'd run into old friends at Wally World and say, "Hey! Good-to-see-you-I'm-gonna-be-a-Grandma!"

I even joked with one friend about having a t-shirt made up: "Too Young to be a G-Maw!"

I've known for a couple of months, but haven't even been able to blog about it until now. After all, what is everyone going to think of me and my parenting abilities?

It has occurred to me, however, that this is NOT all about me and how it affects my life. I've done my job in preparing this young man, now it's up to him to use the tools he's been given and to make the most of it. He can plot his own course and follow it.

I'm just here to love him unconditionally. . .and maybe babysit occasionally.

As for my "wounded pride. . ." Well, he's certainly buckled down and handled himself like a man thus far. Although, that's nothing I've had to tell him to do, he's just done it. And while I am doing the "payback dance," I also believe he's going to be a wonderful father.

And THAT makes me very proud.

1 comment:

MOMSWEB said...

You did it. You shared your real reality. Thanks, Lara.